Thursday, July 16, 2009

Confessions of a Frustrated Artist

Drawing has been my hobby ever since i was a little kid. I never knew that this leisure of mine will be the key to my future.

Right now, i'm still stuck in irregular student, to boot. Because of all that riffraff during my second year, i had to spend an extra year in college. Oh what the heck. =(

My dream is to become a famous Character Designer just like Tetsuya Nomura, the dude who designed most of the Final Fantasy characters. I have always been fascinated by his art, ever since his 'old drawing style' which was used in FFVII. He also became the director of the well-received Kingdom Hearts plus the upcoming Final Fantasy Versus XIII. Gosh, that guy's moving up to the world. I wish i could be like him someday.

I spend most of my free time drawing or playing video games, the latter being the source of new ideas for the designs of my original characters. I've always been a fan of Final Fantasy, and i love the whole concept of the games. I've always wanted to design the characters for anything near to that.....i've never actually designed a character for someone else. I'm not good enough, i guess. But I'll work hard.....

REALLY hard.......despite my constant frustration.

Ever since mom died, i told myself that I'll make her proud someday. Not only her, but all of my loved ones.

I'm not intelligent, i suck hard when it comes to math and my relatives prefer my other cousins who are a lot more intelligent than me. I wanted to prove to them that i can do better, although not through academics, but through this talent our so-called-god has given me. I won't give up.

I'm ranting about my anatomy. I suck when it comes to drawing the human body. I'm good when it comes to pretty faces, facial expressions and all that jazz when it comes to the head.....but from the neck down, augggghh. I blame it all to my ATY1 professor. She sucks. That prof never taught us the vital shiz when it comes to drawing the human anatomy. Curse that bitch.....but i heard she got kicked out of the university for some reason.... -_-

...damn, i really need to study more about anatomy. I'm not rich, so i cannot afford to buy art books and other references....that's why i must rely on something else. Oh good luck to me.

...but i swear, I'll make all of you proud someday. I'm not doing this for myself, but i'm doing this for my family and friends. I wanna show them that i can make things happen.

I must fight my way through this thing called life in order to reach my dream. I won't falter, i won't back down.

.....holy fuck, this is frustrating. XD